The Squandering

 

The dimming light of fallen grace

that squints past the years like

mercurial atoms darting away from the

chaos it defends, mortal foliage strips aside

this squalid year in gracious splendor, sovereignty 

sways the cocoon, tucked in tightly woven silk, 

justified in glorious quiescence, soon to spring from

an abode with more evolutionary cognizance than

any primitive being could imagine, yet

will never embrace the Monarch that borne the fragile

nativity, alone and deserted, lifts to the sunlight, wings

frail as rice paper, aloft to the clouds, and such an odd 

muse, fluttering from flower to flower like some silent

symphony swaying, this pilgrimage of survival that 

nature provides dominates this ethereal doting insect, 

majestic yet this condescension into condemnation 

merely represents the brevity of how short nature 

proselytes everything into noble acuity

and fateful vacuity. 

Death’s Clarion

 

Lady of Death, the scowl of the night-
Leadth thee to barbed spite upon thy twain, 
How ye purloin thoughts 
of trite liaisons-
Maybe ye could loveth more 
if ye could speak in poetic tongue-
Woe, your spirit is broken and 
heart asunder, your dead rose
will never grow beneath frozen
snow, warm breaths, and soft 
whispers, will melt away more 
than the gods of love. 

Gilded Guilt(page-18)

 

     Robbie never picked up a gun to kill another animal for the rest of his life, he was a loner, he just loved being alone, and if he wanted love he’d go get it and leave it. Robbie hated this world of Capitalism, the elites have destroyed every Democracy, they want to run amok without paying a cent and it's shifted to Fascism. America was dying, and he knew this years ago. 

     Robbie traveled a few more years, he rarely stayed at any job very long, he loved his freedom more than anything. His family was always there in that city of sighs, he only visited his family around Christmas and even that was unbearable. Robbie kept his distance from his family, they broke his trust years ago and he never forgave them for his guilt, their love of money was superior to anything or anyone. 

     In the last chapter of Robbie’s life, he bought a Pug, that dog brought him all the joy that Tara once did, he loved his dog, he'd always figured he would die before the dog because men in Kentucky die from cancer at an alarming rate, and no one cares. Robbie lives alone and he's happy, his dog has replaced his sorrow, life wasn't fair, brutal if not apocalyptic, but Robbie still holds on to his resentment with watchful eyes. Life is living, and death is not.

                                                                   THE END 

Gilded Guilt(page-17)

 

                                                    Chapter 6

                                                   No Quarter 

     Robbie moved all over the country, Ohio was his first venture, then to the sunny state of Florida, and ending up in the cornbread state of Tennessee, he tried everything in his arsenal yet, a Jack of all trades laboring by the sweat of his brow will never become a king with a kingdom. He loved the new adventures, traveling is a young man’s sport, and he squandered every dollar he earned either on horses or strip clubs. Robbie grew up quick, he was his own man, every dollar that passed through his hands was earned by hard work, he rarely spoke to his family, they all had their lives making children and trying to become modeled citizens. He still resented everyone in his family, they all pretend they're happily married, and more importantly, people saw them as idealistic members of society, but Robbie saw through their pale ruse. Robbie never feigned his poverty, he just accepted it, though he did find an older lady who loved him and he married her for a few years though the marriage soon ended when Robbie entered college to better himself, he was tired of laborious, wrangling, and strangling of his impoverished status, driving second-handed cars, living in run-down apartments, and trying to live paycheck to paycheck was just too much for him to bear alone much less with a wife. The divorce set him back $1,500 and he never contested anything, he gave her the $10,000 cherry-wood bedroom set, and the jalopy he called old green, she took her time signing it, but after 6 months she yielded, and Robbie was a free man, and he never married again.

     Robbie moved back to his hometown, found his old buddies, and started to run around the same old stomping grounds, carousing with young girls was easy and fun, especially when you're educated and very witty. Women loved Robbie and he loved them back. Oh, he fell in love many times but bowed out of marriage when things got sticky.  

Gilded Guilt(page-16)

 

     Robbie sobered up come springtime, and finally came to the conclusion he is no longer a part of this family, he left this hellhole and Robbie never said one goodbye, he loaded up what rags he had and threw them in his backpack, he looked back at this house of two gables and smiled, he finally figured out what kept him captive, and that was his beloved dog. 

     Robbie never made any peace with his four sisters, they were no longer in his picture, he lost touch with his mother too, who died 11 years later from cancer, he felt no semblance of love for any of them. When his mother took her last dying breath, even then his greedy, conniving, and oppressive sisters took control, his younger sister saw herself fit as acting general and lawyer, she doled or cherry-picked out the best furniture and grabbed her mom’s washer and dryer first, Robbie ended up with two holy pictures which he now despises, Robbie knows the shell game of religion well, the gambit of hustling fools and selling them something they could have or attain for themselves for free, and that's salvation. He laughs still because any fool who believes a virgin in those ancient times was available for the premise of being the catalyst of producing a Savoir for the world is an astronomical and behemoth fairytale, even modern Jews find it appallingly amusing. 

     Robbie grabbed his pittance of inheritance and walked out of their lives forever, he felt in his righteous mind he's more of a dignified human being than any of those phony cupboard pious nom de guerre unhinged hacks he called sisters. From then on, he was exiled from his family.

                                                                     16

Gilded Guilt(page-15)

 

     Robbie walked down the death-row beaten path, his mouth was dry and his throat was very clumped with guilt and unforgettable grief, he never murdered any pet on purpose or by accident, he has shot and killed rabbits, squirrels, and deer with no remorse whatsoever, so, why couldn't he pull the trigger and appease his wretched mother? Nightfall would only be an hour away, he looked up the narrow pathway and watched his mom talk to the neighbor with such unconcerned attachment that was at hand by her command, he paused and pondered, how could someone who calls themself a Christian and kill without any remorse or shame struck a thunderbolt of worry with Robbie, but he needed to act because the dog was struggling with her litter and night time was cresting, he put the shell in the gun and said a prayer to God, for forgiveness, and knowing this was an abominable act that no living human being should ever have to do, this was beyond reprehensible, beyond evil, and beyond atrocious, he aimed it at her a tiny and precious skull as she looked up at him and smiled, Robbie was now crying like a baby, as tears were filled with salt as they fell into his mouth, he pulled the trigger, she yelped quickly, then she was silent, Robbie first prayed she didn't suffer, he walked back up the pathway, and looked aggressively at his mother and said, “ are you happy, now?”  She was stone silent, and the neighbor put two and two together and immediately figured out what took place, and said her peace to his mother and jumped in her car and drove off rather quickly.

     Robbie murdered several that day, he guessed she was going to have 8 pups, so, he said he murdered 9 dogs that evening. He never slept that night, he was so upset, he never went to work the following morning. This guilt-laden and muderous deed disturbed Robbie, so much, he just stayed drunk, smoked a few joints, and partied every night with reckless abandon. Time to stand up and face his punishment with his conscience, even though he was coerced into the killing. He lost two Beagles less than a year, and one was his best friend. 

                                                            .          15

Gilded Guilt(page-14)

     Robbie’s mom was enraged and to the point she meant business, Robbie never saw her this mad in his 23 years on this earth, she then said, “Get the shotgun and kill that mutt!” She was hysterical in her fit of madness, saying too, “pack your bags, Buster, you're leaving tonight!” Robbie knew today she meant every word, so, tearfully he went inside and walked down to the basement and grabbed his dad’s old shotgun, which was a single-shot 12-gauge, that the gunstock was cracked so the black electrical tape held it together and secure. 

     Robbie walked up the staircase, and walked through the living room where one of his sister's was reading a book on the sofa, he didn't even glance over to acknowledge her because he was so distressed and crying, and he opened the front door and his mom was right there like some Nazi Reichsleiter giving out orders to kill without regard to any life. Then a neighbor pulled up in a car, and Robbie thought, ‘Oh, a reprieve,’ but his mother quickly pointed to the dog and without even considering her motive while the neighbor was now outside beside her sparking up a conversation, but his mother yelled out, “go kill that old mutt.” Robbie still remembered those words as clear as the day his mother uttered them, and this painful engram.    

     Robbie walked down by the old elm tree where the beagle was having her pups, one was already hanging out from the womb, and he gently grabbed her and her placenta and picked her up. Robbie had his shotgun in one hand and the beagle in the other. He started to cry, he knew his job, it was to assassinate an innocent dog, who in return showered nothing but requital love. The golden hour was at hand and the sun was setting in an orange hue that was so beautiful, yet, so tragic too. 

                                                                   14